


Xenophile, I thought you meant xylophone!?

by THE_SUPERNATURALIST



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: But not like money poor, How Do I Tag, M/M, Misunderstandings, Not Beta Read, Poor Peter Parker, Sorry Not Sorry, Tony didnt help, Wade tries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-16
Updated: 2016-09-16
Packaged: 2018-08-09 21:03:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7817134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/THE_SUPERNATURALIST/pseuds/THE_SUPERNATURALIST
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter has a thing for anyone not from the states. Learning Wade was in fact from Canada did in fact not help his blooming crush. Deadpool needs to invest in a dictionary.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Xenophile, I thought you meant xylophone!?

**Author's Note:**

> Idek where this came from.

Peter nearly chocked on his pizza. "Wait, Wade you're from where?"

"Hockey Central. You know Canada, America's hat. That's why you never see me on boxing day. I gotta go box all the people that have doubted me." He said squareing his shoulders

"Wade, Isn't boxing day like Christmas?" 

"Wow, you know that? Petey, is it weird i find that arousing?"

 Peter laughed and shoved him lightly. "Shut up! Pass me another one?" He asked holding his hand out. It had become almost a ritual. Them climbing a building and eating after their patrols/team ups. Wade passed a open box of pizza. He took a piece and looked to Wade as he looked out over the city. The way his suit perfectly accented all the buldges and ripples of his muscles. 'Don't do it. Forget it Peter, you finally have a somewhat normal relationship with him. Don't ruin it' He thougjt to himself, sighing softly he took a bite. After finiahing that piece he stood up. "Alright I had fun tonight Wade, thanks. Its been a whole minute since I enjoyed myself this much on a patrol." He said walking to the edge of the building ready to web away. 

"Dang, You're going to leave, just like that? After I gave you the best night of your life. Not even a cuddle?" He said faking offence. "Why baby boy, never in all my years has anyone treated me with such blatant disrespect." 

"Maybe next big guy." He said clicking his tongue and making finger guns. With that he webbed away with slight mortification. "Get it together parker, finger guns. Really?" 

_finger guns, really?_

_bro, he likeees you._

_I wouldn't go that far. He tolerates us. Well you._

"Shut the fuck up you two." He growled out. " Besides, we already told Petey we'd leave him alone. No more catcalls, no more light stalking, no persuing." He said aloud and watched as peter disapeered behind a building in the distance. "He wants to be friends. I can do friends.' 

_Friends with benefits?_

"Just friends. If thats all he wants to be." 

_It is._

_ He's totally sprung. _

_Who?_

_Both of them._ ~~~~

_Doubt it._

Wade rolled his eyes and ignored them as he finished for the pizza. 

* * *

 Crawling in through a window before he tore his mask off. "Canada, he couldn't have just been From here. I bet he can speak French" Peter felt himself grow hard at the thought. The thought of Wade being gentle and whispering things in French to him. He wanted to be able to hear him talk. He wanted Wade to speak French between his legs. 

He walked to his shower and took his clothes off as he did. Peter set the water to as cold as he could, trying to get his erection to die down. It didn't. So instead he beat one off thinking of  Wade. 

The next few weeks they hung out more and more, and as they grew closer his crush only deepened. Wade was actually a really great person, and it made him sad that he hadn't noticed it before. .

Peter leaned against him as the movie droned on about the space time continuum mechanics and materials. After a while of it he settled for watching Wade instead. He was focused, trying to figure out what the protagonists would do. . . time passed and he exclaimed triumphantly when his theory was correct, then the problem was resolved and the credits began to roll thus ending their 'date night' as Wade jokingly called it. 

He stood and began to clean his area. Walking with his trash Wade made comments about how there were giant plot holes. 

Peter knew he had to say something before he left, anything to keep the conversation going. "Hey," he spoke up "you going to that party Tony's throwing? Everyone's invited." 

"You think me too? Cool, thanks man I hadn't heard about it. Heck yeah, I'll be there Iron man throws the best shindigs. And he always has the best foods" Wade said sitting back on the couch. They just talked and laughed at each other for a few more hours before Wade left for the night. 

 

_Dude, he invited you to a party._

_He likeees us. There's no way you can deny it now. We just need to play it cool. _

_Yeah, because we're cool._

_i think we're very cool._

Wade just rolled his eyes listening to them bicker. 

* * *

He stood off landishly in a corner drinking some sort of alcohol. Wade almost regretted coming as the host walked up to him. 

"Hey man, great that you could come. It's tight. . .do people still say tight, who cares?" He went on to tell him about something else before turning to walk away.

"Hey Tony, wait. Have you seen Pe- Spiderman?" He asked 

"Uhhh, I think I saw him over by the musicians. But watch out dude. . . .bro?" He said confused. "The kids a total xenophilac." It was all Tony said before walking away. 

"Xenophilac? What's that?" 

_Duh, it means he really likes Xylophones._

_Yeah, he's probably a xylophone_ _aficionado._

_Now you know what he likes, go for it. Make us proud._

_ For once.  _

Wade stood there slowly sipping his drink. "Xylophones, huh?" 

* * *

 At first Peter was amused when a baby's xylophone showed up as his door step. What was it supposed to mean. It was cute and all but what was he supposed to do with it. Then it became a problem when every other week they'd be by his door. Like was this a threat? What did it mean? He didn't even know how to play the xylophone. 

He'd googled some and man, they were expensive. Like why would someone get him these brand new instruments? The problem grew when he couldn't store them in his closet anymore. They were everywhere. He was up to his ears in xylophones. In fact they had to stop having 'date night' at his place. 

* * *

 Wade and peter sat watching some d-class movie. They'd escladed to awkward hand holding and catuoius kissing, and tenacious touching. Tonight , thought peter, would be the night he would stay. The night that after months of dropping hints that he liked him and would like more than what they had, hes finally really tell him, because wade could be dense as bricks, and see where is goes. 

 "Hey, Wade, I sorta like you. Like really like you. Really really. Like for reals." He said quickly befroe pausing the movie and sitting up to look at him. Wade didnt respond. They stared blankly at eachother for a uncomfortable amount of time "Wade. Say someting at least. Shit, Youre making me feel bad." 

 

_Woah, what just happened. Whats going on?_

_Our plan to woo him with xylophones worked. thats what_

_No way. i thought thatd never work. it was just a waste of money._

_"_ Well, this is quite the surprise. It worked." 

 

"What worked, Wade? " Peter almost asked jumping, Wades sudden break in the scienlence startled him. 

"My plan to get you to fall madly in love with me." 

_**Our plan** _

"Yeah, yeah our plan. Anyways I found out about your kink and-"

"What kink?"

". . . The one for music, you know the xylophones" He whispered. 

At that peter Jumped up. "Was that you?! My aparment is full of those things." he said almost angrily. Wade flinched

"You didnt like them?"

"No, i mean i did. the first couple i did. But then they just started coming and i thought they were some strange threats. "

"You thought they were threats?"He asked dumbfounded. 

"What was i supposed to think?"

"That they were declartions of love."

". . . . you love me?'

"Peter, ive loved you since you won that yo momma battle aganst me." He told him honestly. Peter was ahocked that had been so long ago. like seven yeasrs ago. "what can i say, im sweet on you."

Peter didnt know what to say, He could certainly see himself falling for the red clad merc, but as of right now it was only a deep rooted crush. Like stronger than he'd felt with anyone and- holy french toast sticks for dinner- he loved Wade. "Let's go out." 

"And do what?" 

"Like dating." 

". . .are we going to be exclusive?" 

"Of course."

Wade just pumped his fist in victory. "We're going to be the it couple. The cutest item on the block." 

Peter just smiled to himself. All that man was now his. Then it hit him. ". . . say, Wade. Can you speak French?" 

Wade leaned over, "I can speak a buncha languages, baby boy." He whispered before pressing a kiss to him lips. 

**Author's Note:**

> This oroginally was supposed to be long and drawn out, deep and complex but i got lazy and it turned into this crack fic. Im sorry. Like?


End file.
